15 YEARS


Confession: I am having writer’s block. Or maybe I’m just being hard on myself. I wrote a post for today and was almost done and was not felling it. I have about five other posts that I could type up that I have written, but they don’t seem right. I was about a paragraph away when I felt like I needed to write something else. So here it goes!

Today, 15 years ago, my husband and I got engaged! I was looking for the picture of the amazing gas station beanie and gloves I received on Christmas(if you don’t know what I am talking about check out my last post). I did not find the picture yet, but I came across our engagement photos. We are old so they were just ones our parents took with their camera that night, nothing fancy. I loved that day. Mainly because I was completely surprised. That never happens!

So, I wanted to use today’s Wordy Wednesday to talk about the 15 things I love about my husband, in honor of our engagement 15 years ago. Sorry for the gushiness in advanced! Before I get too far I have to say something because I don’t want anyone to think we are perfect. I could have knocked my husband upside the head yesterday and buried him, I was so frustrated. Last week I talked about expectations. I have a lot. We both have a lot for each other. Sometimes those expectations turn into heartache. My husband doesn’t do what I want him to do and I get angry. Many times I fail to communicate what it is I want and expect him to just know. I also expect him, after 15 plus years of knowing me, that I need certain things. But the truth is we are all imperfect. We fail each other everyday. But…..God has called us to love unconditionally.

“Marriage by God’s design requires that you live out what He has called you to do regardless of whether your husband(spouse) is doing so or not”.-Wife After God

So, yesterday I was upset for unmet expectations, without ever considering there was a genuinely good reason for those expectations not being met. I was not living out what I was called to do and I was so upset. I began to think of all I was doing while dismissing any reason my husband may have had for not meeting my expectations. So…yeah…it’s not all rainbows and cupcakes over here all the time. Just in case you thought we had it going on over here…nope! But God is good and I loving growing and learning with my husband! 

Back to the good stuff though! I challenge you to write down or think of 15 things you love about your spouse or significant other. What things are you thankful for?

#1-You are generous. Not just with money but with time.

#2- You rarely say No. You are always willing to help(except yesterday..lol). If someone needs you, you are there.

#3-You are loyal. You stick by a friends’ side longer than I ever would! You don’t let anything about people bother you. You know people have faults and it doesn’t cloud your judgment of people.

#4- You love people. Legit! I don’t believe I have ever met a person who loves being around people more than you. Better yet, people love being around you! You have taught me a lot about loving others.

#5- You are hilarious. One of my requirements for my spouse was to be funny. You nailed it.

#6-You are a hard worker. In the past this was a hard one for you, but once you found your groove it has become one of your best qualities. You put your heart and soul into your work.

#6-You have integrity. Being in your industry that is hard to come by. I have seen you turn down opportunities or people because they lack that quality. I believe this is why you are successful. There is no compromise with you.

#7- You are adorable. Even if you don’t think so. I could stare at your handsome face all day(sorry guys). I love your perfect teeth behind that cute smirk. I love those crinkles around your eyes and every freckle on your face. Pretty much I love your face!

#8-You are an amazing father. You teach Shane everything that he needs to know, because you know I am no help in that arena. He looks up to you more than you will ever know. He talks about you constantly and always wants to know where you are at. He is your mini me and I love it!

#9-You are strong. As a man, that is such a great quality to have. Not just physically but emotionally. You keep it together when things are falling apart.

#10- You are certain. You do not waver in your beliefs. You research and are ready to defend your point but never close minded. Same about your faith. You can defend it because you know it. Ready to speak the truth.

#11- You are always learning. You love listening to others. You are talkative, but you definitely love hearing others speak and learning from them. You are interested in others and interesting!

#12-You love your family. Not just Shane and I, but your whole family.

#13-You have style. I’m running a little low here on #13…just being real. But you do. I am thankful I have never seen you in sweats. The tank tops are pushing it, but at least you still try all the other times to dress like a man:)

#14-You do not judge. You are such a great example to me in this area. You love everyone no matter what. You do not care if someone is fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, rich poor…you treat everyone the same…unless they are stupid…that’s not ok!

#15- You love me. You love me and all my craziness. You love at least three of my 10 personalities. You love me so much  as we worked through some pretty rough times and you loved me enough to ask me to marry you 15 years ago. I pray that you do know how much I appreciate and love you. God has blessed us with each other and our little family.  Thanks Baby… I Love you more!!!!

Summer

Expectations

My love language is receiving gifts. Which also means I am a pretty good gift-giver. It brings me joy to get someone something they casually mentioned or maybe thought I was not listening, but I was!

So, my poor husband, lets just say his love language is not receiving gifts, therefore it is also not giving gifts. He jokes that, of course, that is my love language. And that I’m not happy unless there is a Coach bag sitting on my lap Christmas morning. Now, because I’m working on my lying, I can not say that is entirely false….but also not entirely true. My love language is more about the thoughtfulness behind the gift. I don’t want a card that you picked up on the way home from work from the grocery store(because you totally forgot all week).

One of our funniest memories to tell is about one Christmas, when Scott, my husband, decided to go to the gas station and pick up some of my favorite things. I wasn’t aware I had favorite things at the gas station, but he thought it was a great idea. Now to be fair, these were just stocking stuffers and not my main gifts. If they were my main gifts I would have referred to Scott as my Ex-husband…I kid…I kid! I don’t remember everything I pulled out of that stocking. I am sure there was some Trident, Reese’s and maybe everyone’s gas station fave…beef jerky, but I do know there were matching gloves and beanies. They were pink. Not cute or fashionable but gloves and a beanie you would expect from a gas station. Probably even ones you might wear to rob said gas station. Although they were pink and I guess he thought they were so great, that he also got me another matching pair, in yellow. So sweet, that guy!

You may be thinking, what’s wrong with gloves and a beanie? Nothing really…I mean these were hideous, but the idea wasn’t bad. What tore at my gift giving heart, was that they were bought at the gas station, late at night, because nothing else was open. It was Christmas Eve and it was really late. If he had picked them up from our favorite little shop… from a city we loved… that would have been different, but no, they were from USA Mart. This was not the last of stories like this, definitely one of the funniest though. Through the years though and actually currently I am learning I have way too high of expectations for people when it comes to the holidays and gift giving.

I so desperately want people to think of me and to feel special. A gift is not important to me if there is no thought behind it. It does not have to be a tangible thing though or even costly. Scott is not an amazingly romantic, thoughtful person through gifts, but he has no qualms about telling people how he feels about me through words. His love language is Words of Affirmation. Yeah….WORDS. I am one of the shyest people on earth and he needs me to use my words. Not written words, spoken words. By understanding this I have learned to not have such high expectations. I have to let go of what I can not control. I can not make Scott plan some amazing Anniversary getaway or plan moths ahead to have some sentimental piece made for me. I won’t be getting a scrapbook. If I did…they most likely would be because I guilted him in to it and where is the realness in that?

I fail people too. It takes a lot of work to make people feel loved in their own language. Many times it is far from your own. But God. God knows all of this and he uses our relationships to grow us. To stretch us. Especially in marriage. He takes our struggles and brings them to the surface to make them known. If I was single, there would be so many issues I would have never worked on. They would not have been brought to light.

Two things that I have thought about  and have helped me….throughout the last few months are:

  1. We are all unique and love differently. Don’t focus on your own expectations and how people fail you. Look for the unique ways they do love you. Mulling over the negative is not going to help any relationship. If someone has not done something to your standards, that’s ok. Let it go!!!!
  2. This kind of goes along with #1, but let go of what you can not control. If you have to control it, then it is not genuine coming from the other person. If I told Scott what I wanted each year and got exactly what I wanted I still would not feel loved. It would not be sincere.

“Expectation feeds frustration. It is an unhealthy attachment to people, things, and outcomes we wish we could control; but don’t”. -Dr Steve Maraboli

One of the biggest helps in my life, has been to let God fill in any emptiness I may feel. We can not be everything to everyone. God is there for that. He is perfect in all of his ways and doesn’t ask us to be all the things to anyone. Let God fill in where a spouse, friend or family member fail. Give grace to those who aren’t gifted gift givers or who buy matching beanie and glove sets. They meant well and they love you in different ways.

Summer

Week 3: One Room Challenge

We are half way through our One Room Challenge! I have to admit I did not do much this week. The larger items are checked off the to-do list. I am now just working on finding a bookcase, which I will share in two weeks….hopefully!

Today I want to share some of the fun textiles and accessories I added to the room. Pillows have been a struggle and I am still not sure I will keep a few of them, but I will share what I have so far. One pillow I know for sure I am keeping is this one(similar) from Danielle Oakey:

danielleoakeyoillow

 

 

I picked up these from Target about a year or so ago in blush(no longer available). These are the ones I am not sure about. For now they get to stay. Check into week six for their final fate!

target pink pillow

 

and this one is from HomeGoods.

TJmaxx pillow

target lamp

This lamp I got over a year ago from Target on clearance, but it is still available.

mcm table amazonI originally bought this side table for my Living Room, but I was not digging it. Thankfully, it goes so well with the style of this room.


Unfortunately, the mirror is no longer available at Target. It was such a great piece. I hope they bring it back. I purchased many items awhile back or brought from my previous home. Also, the black and white throw is not available. I apologize!!!

I could not grab a pic off of IKEA’s website of the Fiddle Leaf Fig, but included the link. If you are wondering about the quality and look, I would say pass. It is on the small size which is fine for this room. The leaves are hard to manage and one broke off as soon as I touched it. The leaves are pretty soft and don’t look too fake. I would say for the price it is not horrible, but I would definitely go with a larger one for any other room.


Next week I will share some wall art and desk accessories and a bit more of the room! Hope you are enjoying following along. If you are interested, check out the other talented people involved over at Calling it Home or using the hashtag #oneroomchallenge on Instagram.

guest ORC logo

Summer

Making Meaningful Relationships

Making Meaningful Relationships

Last week I dug deep into a struggle of mine. I talked about playing pretend and how lying at an early age turned into destructive behavior as an adult. I was reading in The Emotionally Healthy Woman(which I highly recommend) about lying to others and how it really is a self-esteem issue. We lie to look better to others or even to ourselves. We can become something we are not proud of and begin to make up lies about who we are.

In the book, they discussed a study on lying. It went on to say that “In the study, people became increasingly engaged in managing how others perceived them, and as a result, said more and said things that were not entirely accurate.” This reminded me of times when I wanted to fit it. I would start talking more and saying things that I did, that were not true. For instance, if a group was talking about going skiing. I would join in saying I know how to ski and I love it. When in reality, I only went once, years and years ago and I’ve not gone skiing again since! I so badly wanted to fit in and add to the conversation. I mean I did go skiing once, it was just a white lie about loving it and really knowing more than a 10 minute lesson could offer. I so longed to look cool, I compromised my integrity.

Dwelling on the idea of self-esteem, I wanted to dig deeper into how to make meaningful relationships by being real. We all want to have friends who can tell us we have something in our teeth or our new hairstyle is not that cute! When coming from a loving friend, it doesn’t hurt so much. We long for honest conversations that will help us grow. We are all learning from each other and just as in a marriage, when there is love and respect, critiques are taken better.

There will always be conflict in a relationship. That is a given. We are all different and imperfect people. It would be a boring world if we all agreed on everything. The key is how we respond during conflict. I need to quote The Emotionally Healthy Woman again, because it is filled with so much goodness. The author writes “Conflict is normal, important, and necessary when close relationships enter into a new cycle of growth and maturity”. I see that in my own relationships. Most of my life I did not have any conflict, because I did not communicate well and was afraid of the truth. There was nothing to have conflict over, because I was not expressing my feelings about anything. Boy did that change after I got married! It took awhile though. My husband and I thought we were an anomaly. We never fought. But, in reality, we never communicated. Once we figured that out, we had more conflict. It was good though. Through the conflict we were better able to understand each others side, instead of assuming what the other person was thinking. We definitely grew in our maturity and in our relationship.

So, what does all this look like in our friendships? And how do we make meaningful relationships?

I believe it all boils down to being real. Like I mentioned last week my church is big on the idea of being real with ourselves, God and others. If we are not real in any of these areas it is going to effect our relationships. Being real deals with a whole lot of grace! A few months ago I put together a list of things that I wanted in a friend. Now, if my friends are reading this, please don’t think you are not good enough. I have some incredible friends who I can always count on. My list was actually pretty silly. I realized I chose friends who did not like the same things as me and my list was all about what I liked and wanted others to like as well! One of my best friends, hate shopping! Probably just as much as my husband hates it. She also does not use Pinterest, Instagram  and has no interest in Interior Design. All of my favorite, but she is one of my favorites. I soon saw that God was teaching me to love everyone. They did not have to look like me, act like me, or be interested in the same things for me to have a great friendship. We could still learn from each other and be real with each other.

Meaningful relationships don’t have to all look the same. I have friends I grew up with who are nothing like the friends I’ve made through church. But, we could all get together and have a great time. Learning that we have all been created as unique individuals is also a grace thing. Now, there are certain people that we will just never vibe with. I have met people, who I know for a fact, I can’t be friends with. Like those who hate donuts or if you hate driving too…we either can’t go anywhere or can’t be friends. If you do not know all the words to at least one Mariah Carey song…this friendship may not work! And finally if you can’t laugh and be silly you may need to find another friend tribe.

Be interesting ed

We were made for connection. Something I have always struggled with as a shy person. I am slowly learning that not every friend needs to like everything I like. It’s going to be ok. Instead of judging, I need to be compassionate and filled with grace. To learn about people and to be interested. I love the saying, “Be interesting and interested”. We all are in this crazy life together and need our friends by our side. Friends who are loyal, honest and loving. Do you have this in your life? A good friend is such a treasure. I am thankful for the few I have and for God giving me a new perspective on what being a good friend looks like. I am still learning. It has been a long and slow process, but thankful none the less. If you struggle with making meaningful relationships, I would suggest being the friend you want. Work on yourself and I am pretty sure the friends will come.

Summer

Week 2: One Room Challenge


I have been a busy bee painting our guest bedroom/office this past week. Choosing a wall color is one of the most important choices in my opinion. It sets the whole tone for a room. I originally thought I would step away from my typical white. I actually went so far as to buy samples and then a whole gallon of a light grey. But, once I started gathering ideas I knew I had to stick with white! I went with the paint color “White” by Behr…I know so adventurous! Just in case you are curious I mentioned this in my last post, but we have oil based paint on all of our walls. So I primed them first and the new paint went on great. I learned my lesson from a previous painting project in our bathroom,  that paint with primer alone does not end well! I basically painted my whole bathroom only to have it all peel off!

I’m going for a more Boho look which can either be pretty neutral or filled with a lot of color. I chose a rug that was full of color so, that really swayed my decision to go with white. I am so glad that I did. My overall look is Boho Glam/Chic so, to add some glam I searched for different wall treatments. I originally wanted removable wallpaper. I immediately went to Walls Need Love. After figuring out how much I needed I behaved myself and decided to go a different route. Our guest bedroom/office is the least used room in our home(after this makeover, maybe not). I decided to save the wallpaper for our Master bedroom which is next on the list. I spied these removable wall dots from Walls Need Love. I absolutely love them. I love that they are easily removable. I originally spaced them too closely, but it was easy to remove a few and create more space between the dots. If you are looking to make a statement, but don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on wallpaper, this is a great option. They have other designs too, like stripes!



Next week I’ll be sharing the fun stuff like pillows, curtains, lamps and accessories! Most of it is from Target surprise, surprise! I did venture out and get a pillow from a shop I’ve been dying to purchase something from. See ya next week! Oh and for more behind the scenes follow me on Instagram! @thedaysofsummerblog

guest ORC logo

Summer